Colin writes articles for magazines, and scripts for comedians and business speakers, including himself, and has performed at the BBC, Granada Television, The Other Place, Disney, ICC, NEC and many other locations worldwide.
Colin has a First-Class Honours in English Language, Literature and Creative Writing. He writes and performs poetry – often about topical subjects – at festivals, clubs, open mics and poetry slams.
Colin, centre, winning the 2019 Shrewsbury Literature Festival Poetry Slam.
Titles include: Jason and the Argos Catalogue, Somewhere in Ikea, I really want to be a weather girl and 33 reasons why I'll never make it as a performance poet after seeing Dr. John Cooper Clarke.
To invite Colin to speak at an event, please contact email@example.com
A French waiter, Guillaume Rey, has been sacked by a restaurant for being ‘rude and arrogant’. In the subsequent industrial tribunal his defence was that he wasn’t being rude or arrogant, he was just being French.
Not rude – just French
We French believe our haute cuisine is wasted
On those who think fish fingers count as food.
Or people who add salt before they’ve tasted.
No wonder that we’re arrogant and rude.
Your attitude to dining out is faulty
You Rosbifs eat to live – we live to eat.
Your national dish is Chicken Tikka Balti.
You think of Greggs the Bakers as a treat!
When paying, English pockets aren’t the deepest.
At tipping and gratuities you suck!
The wine you order’s always second cheapest,
And may I say, a poor choice with the duck.
Enjoy your meal, Monsieur, bon appetit,
But please remember, servis non compris.