Colin Wells

Colin writes articles for magazines, and scripts for comedians and business speakers, including himself, and has worked at the BBC, Granada Television, NIA, The Other Place @ The RSC, Disneyland Europe, ICC, NEC, and many other locations worldwide.


He has supported other Arts organisations, including The Royal Shakespeare Company, where he was a governor and sponsor, The Bewdley Festival, and Multistory, where he is Chair.

Colin has a First-Class Honours in English Language, Literature and Creative Writing. He writes and performs – often about topical subjects – at festivals, clubs, open mics and is a multiple poetry slam champion.

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Colin winning the 

Cheltenham Poetry Festival Slam, 2022.

Titles include: Jason and the Argos Catalogue, Somewhere in IkeaI really want to be a weather girl and 33 reasons why I'll never make it as a performance poet after seeing Dr. John Cooper Clarke.

To invite Colin to speak at an event, please contact

A French waiter, Guillaume Rey, has been sacked by a restaurant for being ‘rude and arrogant’. In the subsequent industrial tribunal his defence was that he wasn’t being rude or arrogant, he was just being French.

(Sky News)

Not rude – just French


We French believe our haute cuisine is wasted

On those who think fish fingers count as food.

Or people who add salt before they’ve tasted.

No wonder that we’re arrogant and rude.

Your attitude to dining out is faulty

You Rosbifs eat to live – we live to eat.

Your national dish is Chicken Tikka Balti.

You think of Greggs the Bakers as a treat!

When paying, English pockets aren’t the deepest.

At tipping and gratuities you suck!

The wine you order’s always second cheapest,

And. may I say, a poor choice with the duck.

Enjoy your meal, Monsieur, bon appetit,

But please remember, servis non compris.

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